Mommydom- freedom or space?

What is Mommydom about?

Mommydom is not about feeling responsible about every little mistake your child makes. Especially so when they are in their teens or growing up.

If you believe in respecting individuality and giving freedom and space, and if you really try to, you will see a different child.

Mommies tend to nag a lot (look at your own); it is probably a natural thing, but we need to curb that urge.

Fight the urge every time you want to clean up your teen's messy room, resist telling him about how she needs to wash his smelly socks, simply walk away when you feel you can't bear it anymore.

It helps.

It gives your child more freedom and space to make his/her own decisions, make him/her more responsible.

Isn't that what growing up is all about? Isn't that what you want for your child - for him to grow up? And grow up well?!

Mom's Day out at the Movies. Worth every penny.

#Movie review : Aajcha Divas Maza: Very good.

After hearing rave reviews for this one, I decided the trip to the multiplex was worth it. Glad to say i was not disappointed. The movie has a gripping plot and with an unexpected twist. It is about a politician but not about arm twisting, at least not in the expected way.

Sachin Khedekar rocks and proves his acting prowess after 'Mi Shivaji Raje Bhosale Boltoy' once again. Powerful dialogues and the tongue-in-cheek digs by the protagonist make you smile; the talented star cast fit perfectly in their roles.

The story is a tad utopian but then what is a movie without a bit of hope! This kind of hope leaves you with the feeling that as a country we still can do well if we could have more CMS and ministers like this one in this movie.

This year Mother’s Day fell on 5th February 2013

It really takes nothing to make your Mommy happy. It doesn’t take a Mother’s Day to do so either. 

For all those young and middle-aged Mommies who have somehow not managed to give time to their Mommies, here’s a little story. A real one.  

The other day I took my Mommy out to a movie. Frankly, I never thought she’d want to see that movie, but nevertheless I took the chance. 

We went for a noon show (we never do that), watched the movie and then went to our respective homes.

But I was on top of the world that day. I was so happy. Not just because the movie was awesome, but because I shared that good piece of art (the movie) with my Mom. I spent 3 hours with just her. We could not chat much as we were busy watching the movie, but still it was a rare joy. 

I wondered why I didn’t do it often- spend time with her I mean. 

Because my children and husband are my priority now? 

Or because I don’t owe anything to her?

Or is it because I feel there are far more things that take precedence over ‘spending time with my Mom’? 

It’s no big deal really to take out about 3 hours in a month (in 3 months at least?) for her – your mother. 

Take her out to a movie, lunch or shopping, even window shopping or just a stroll in the park. 

You will love it when you see here so happy. You will love it when you yourself feel so happy!

From one Happimommy to another! Cheers!

Movie Review #Balak -Palak!

I had thought this would be a typical parents-children film that could be watched together with the kids. 

But, i was disappointed! I did not like it at all!!!

What's with movies like #Shala (Marathi) and now this one. Why do they give us a feeling that kids from the 8th standard are obsessed with love and sex? And that they have nothing else in mind? 

#Shala was about what they called as 'line dene' read 'love'/romance and #Balak Palak was about 'dhinchak', read, sex. 

Moreover, the lesson ' do the right things at the right age' came in at the end for about a minute, in a very vague manner.

Worse is i watched it with my son of 17 years (Aargh!)

#Balak-Palak should have been handled and could have been handled in a much, much more sensitive and better way! Mr. Screenplay Writer and Mr. Director, are you listening??!!

Should Mommies stay at home till the kids are five? Or not?

Thankfully my mind was made up. I would not go and work outside till my baby was five. He needed me. So I stayed at home and for a full year did nothing else – just looked after him, while I read reams and reams of stories of how new Mommies got back to work soon after delivery. 

But I stayed put and spent time with my son. I fed him, bathed him, played with him and mostly spent long hours doing nothing with him except sitting with him in our large window cooing to him. 

I took him for innumerable bus rides as he loved to ride on the bus – we used to end up riding till the last stop and then take the next bus back. 

I took him and his toy dog for a walk and then picked them both up as soon as the strays barked at us. 

I spent 3 years like this.

I have a lot of friends abroad with children nearabouts my son’s age. I asked them whether they stayed at home too. They looked at me as if I was nuts! They all worked full time as soon as their babies finished their first birthday. 

Me: “Where do you keep her?”

My NRI pal: “With a caretaker of course!”

Me: “Oh she must be missing you?”

She: “Maybe, but she is doing fine. Enjoys with kids her age. We spend time with her on weekends."

When I watch these NRI kids I really find them to be pretty normal – no desperadoes, no loners, no aggression.  

Well then was I wrong? For having thought that my son would need me? Why do we in India feel and act like this? How are the NRI families working full time and still doing well kid –attitude wise? 

Was I wrong to give up my job?

I don’t think so. I still maintain that I had/have taken the right decision. A mother needs to keep herself free for her child, at least till the age of five.

Unless there is no emergency/crisis like when single women are breadwinners or any other critical reason, a mother needs to spend time with her child and be at home with her/him. It will all go off well if she plans it well:

1.      Choose a stream in your Graduation/Post Grad that can eventually give you an opportunity to work from home:  Arts, Crafts, MBA (HR), Education, Writing….there are tons out there.

2.      Then work in a full time job once you complete your studies, gather as much experience as you can and build a solid network of friends, peers and top people in your field.

3.      Work even when you get married.

4.      Plan your pregnancy and quit working when you are still in good health.

5.      For a year don’t do anything (even Aishwarya Rai Bachchan sat at home!). Just keep networking with your contacts.

6.      After a year start doing groundwork – bounce off your plan of getting back to part time or work-at-home to your contacts. Look for opportunities on the Net and Social media (Heck! We did not have FB or Linked in then; the Internet had just about hit Indian shores)

7.      In a year or two you will see definite signs of your career gathering steam.

And the best part is you don’t have to leave your baby alone in a crèche for 10 long hours every day.

It’s a simple plan and it has worked for me and for so many mothers I know (Fleximoms).  In fact it works till date and I can take an off (even long ones) for my son’s boards (yes even when he is 16/18).

You don’t have to choose between home and work. You will do just fine when you choose both – HomeWork!

I ain't a SuperMom!

I have lost count how many times i have felt guilty for not being able to/not having done something for my son. It's either the food, the apple crumble i have not baked, or it's the movie i have not taken him to, or when i have not felt like taking his studies or felt bad at yelling at him for not behaving. Other than that there has been the guilt that his father travels long periods and so i have to be doubly accommodating, or because his teacher did not give him a gold star or because his friends fail to show up on his birthday (every year) as it falls bang in the middle of summer and they are away on a holiday.

Phew! I never knew i have been carrying so much guilt inside me and for so long. It's eating me from the inside and i have to do something before i crumble to pieces like that apple crumble i never baked.

2013 dawned and i have made myself a New Year Resolution - "That i shalt not feel guilty anymore, for things i haven't done for my son. " I am no SuperMom and i cannot do everything that my son wants. There are times when i have to put myself before his self, there are situations like when i am burning with fever that i wont be able to do certain things, there are times when i will have to say 'No' to him just so that he knows that he cannot always get his way.

I have done and am doing quite a lot - for him. Like i have just now managed to cook payash (the Bengali rice kheer delicacy), which he is relishing with every mouthful applauding me with a 'Super, Mom!" all along.

So what if i can't be a SuperMom; i still am 'Super' in the true sense of the word.

All of you Moms keep trying to do the impossible, thinking you are SuperMoms; you have far too many expectations from yourself, which cannot be fulfilled and therefore lead to frustrations and guilt. You cannot be a SuperMOM, but you can be a "Super, Mom!"

Sonali Brahma….attitude we like! – - The Fleximoms Chronicles

 

This post was written by fleximoms

Thursday, 7 June 2012, 13:23 | 

Meet Sonali Brahma, enthusiastic, unbound and oodles of attitude we love. A creative person by profession and nature, here’s someone who is always building her learning curve. An individual of her own accord, she cherishes her roles as a wife, mum and daughter.Strikes just the right chord when she says that “For a fleximom, it is never 50% of home and 50% of work; it is 100% of work and 100% of home.”

What I do – my work and education: I am an independent Brand Strategist, a Creative Consultant, a Writer, a Trainer but more importantly an explorer who is 19 years old in this professional world.  I have done my B.Com and MBA-Marketing from SIBM – Pune University. Besides this I am a student (there’s always so much to learn from life), a mother, a daughter, an honest and committed person.

Writing is my passion. It is the origin of my odyssey into the world of brands. I have had some amazing experiences building brands. Right from building a baby brand seeing it blossom and mature into a fully grown, much envied beauty (Mont Vert Real Estate) to working on a Child Care brand from scratch and watch it take baby steps (Innocent Times) and then proudly talk about a hospital I had helped launch (Oyster and Pearl Hospital), it’s been a truly overwhelming journey.

A world that is at once exhilarating and adrenalin pumping and at times nail biting, a roller coaster ride with its ups and downs. Explore, love, fall, learn and conquer…it is this creative world that drives me that I am so very passionate about.

I believe that the world and life has so much to give that there really isn’t enough time to do it all. But I try. And so, I write and lead – strategy, copy, content, scripts, short stories, profiles, letters, features and articles.

To describe myself in three words – Never say enough!

My family: Immediate family for me is small and sweet. A husband of 19 years, my class mate and very good friend, now a confidante. A son who is all of 17, loving, sensitive and still quite naïve for his years. And my Mom my biggest supporter.

My support system: For the larger part of my career I have always been a fleximoms / flexi-professional. However, even with the flexi privilege, a support system is a must. I have a rock solid support system – my husband who never interferes in my decisions and always supports them, my Mom who has always been there to look after my son and in emergencies, my son who does not crib if he has to make do with some instant meals at times due to my work load, and my dedicated maids. Hats off to all of them!

My inspiration to do what I do: A piece well written, a satisfied client, a student who does well, a piece of chocolate, cuddling up to a sweet kid, an inspiring story, a nice movie,  a great conversation and a pat on the back – the little pleasures of life make my day! On days I get into quit mode, a heart-2-heart chat with my hubby and Mom gets me back on my feet.

A typical day in my life: My typical day is not ‘the all hell has broken loose’ day. I believe in prioritizing work, planning and letting go – so I do manage to wake up at 6/7am and sleep at 10pm (am I making all of you jealous?) In between I manage to get my daily dose of exercise, work, cooking, studying with my son, watching TV, reading and even chatting with a friend/neighbor. I make the most of my ‘no-office-walls’ life and enjoy every bit.

A fine balance: For a fleximom, it is never 50% of home and 50% of work; it is 100% of work and 100% of home – you end up doing a full time at both the places and it takes a hell lot out of you. Balancing work and home is quite a task; if you end up overdoing the home front, clients are likely to take you lightly easily jumping to the conclusion that you are more of a home bird than a committee professional. If you overdo the professional bit and are constantly glued to your cell phone and laptop, your family and children are likely to resent it.

The key is not to go overboard with anything and not to hanker after the Superwoman title.

My stress buster: Stress is of a different kind and not the typical office pressures. Oh yes, there are times when there’s a whole lot to accomplish and I am stressed out; especially happens when I am not well. So I first accept it, try and find the cause of that stress and try to remove it or try to shrug it off.

My major stress busters are a nice, languorous massage, playing with our neighbor’s little girl, watching the sitcom Taarak Mehta ka Ooltah Chasma, staring out into nothingness from my terrace, going for a walk or watching something inconsequential on telly. If it’s something I cannot handle, I buzz my two sounding boards – hubby and Mom. J

Favourite “alone time” thing to do:With my son grown up and doing his own thing, with hubby traveling out frequently, I do have a lot of me-time. I sing to myself, I read something different may be even a comic, or chat with a neighbor or simply reflect on nature, the world, my life without being judgmental or too harsh on myself.

Would I do it differently? The only regret I have is that I did not get into the advertising field earlier; immediately after my MBA. Besides that, frankly, I wouldn’t want to change anything, except maybe find a way to grow money on trees. I would have liked to adopt a child maybe or spend some time working abroad in advertising. Honestly though, I would have never liked to go in for a full time job. I am too much of an independent soul.

What would I change? I take most things at face value and I am very sensitive. I would like to develop a thick skin and be more politically correct and diplomatic, and clone myself, if an angel /genie would appear and grant me three wishes.