Thankfully my mind was made up. I
would not go and work outside till my baby was five. He needed me. So I stayed
at home and for a full year did nothing else – just looked after him, while I
read reams and reams of stories of how new Mommies got back to work soon after
delivery.
But I stayed put and spent time with my son. I fed him, bathed him, played with
him and mostly spent long hours doing nothing with him except sitting with him
in our large window cooing to him.
I took him for innumerable bus rides
as he loved to ride on the bus – we used to end up riding till the last stop
and then take the next bus back.
I took him and his toy dog for a walk
and then picked them both up as soon as the strays barked at us.
I spent 3 years like this.
I have a lot of friends abroad with
children nearabouts my son’s age. I asked them whether they stayed at home too.
They looked at me as if I was nuts! They all worked full time as soon as their
babies finished their first birthday.
Me: “Where do you keep her?”
My NRI pal: “With a caretaker of
course!”
Me: “Oh she must be missing you?”
She: “Maybe, but she is doing fine.
Enjoys with kids her age. We spend time with her on weekends."
When I watch these NRI kids I really
find them to be pretty normal – no desperadoes, no loners, no aggression.
Well then was I wrong? For having
thought that my son would need me? Why do we in India feel and act like this? How
are the NRI families working full time and still doing well kid –attitude wise?
Was I wrong to give up my job?
I don’t think so. I still maintain
that I had/have taken the right decision. A mother needs to keep herself free
for her child, at least till the age of five.
Unless there is no emergency/crisis like when single women are
breadwinners or any other critical reason, a mother needs to spend time with
her child and be at home with her/him. It will all go off well if she plans it well:
1. Choose a stream in your Graduation/Post
Grad that can eventually give you an opportunity to work from home: Arts, Crafts, MBA (HR), Education, Writing….there
are tons out there.
2. Then work in a full time job once you
complete your studies, gather as much experience as you can and build a solid network
of friends, peers and top people in your field.
3. Work even when you get married.
4. Plan your pregnancy and quit working
when you are still in good health.
5. For a year don’t do anything (even
Aishwarya Rai Bachchan sat at home!). Just keep networking with your contacts.
6. After a year start doing groundwork –
bounce off your plan of getting back to part time or work-at-home to your
contacts. Look for opportunities on the Net and Social media (Heck! We did not
have FB or Linked in then; the Internet had just about hit Indian shores)
7. In a year or two you will see
definite signs of your career gathering steam.
And the best part is you don’t have
to leave your baby alone in a crèche for 10 long hours every day.
It’s a simple plan and it has worked
for me and for so many mothers I know (Fleximoms).
In fact it works till date and I can
take an off (even long ones) for my son’s boards (yes even when he is 16/18).
You don’t have to choose between home and work. You will do just fine
when you choose both – HomeWork!
