Should Mommies stay at home till the kids are five? Or not?

Thankfully my mind was made up. I would not go and work outside till my baby was five. He needed me. So I stayed at home and for a full year did nothing else – just looked after him, while I read reams and reams of stories of how new Mommies got back to work soon after delivery. 

But I stayed put and spent time with my son. I fed him, bathed him, played with him and mostly spent long hours doing nothing with him except sitting with him in our large window cooing to him. 

I took him for innumerable bus rides as he loved to ride on the bus – we used to end up riding till the last stop and then take the next bus back. 

I took him and his toy dog for a walk and then picked them both up as soon as the strays barked at us. 

I spent 3 years like this.

I have a lot of friends abroad with children nearabouts my son’s age. I asked them whether they stayed at home too. They looked at me as if I was nuts! They all worked full time as soon as their babies finished their first birthday. 

Me: “Where do you keep her?”

My NRI pal: “With a caretaker of course!”

Me: “Oh she must be missing you?”

She: “Maybe, but she is doing fine. Enjoys with kids her age. We spend time with her on weekends."

When I watch these NRI kids I really find them to be pretty normal – no desperadoes, no loners, no aggression.  

Well then was I wrong? For having thought that my son would need me? Why do we in India feel and act like this? How are the NRI families working full time and still doing well kid –attitude wise? 

Was I wrong to give up my job?

I don’t think so. I still maintain that I had/have taken the right decision. A mother needs to keep herself free for her child, at least till the age of five.

Unless there is no emergency/crisis like when single women are breadwinners or any other critical reason, a mother needs to spend time with her child and be at home with her/him. It will all go off well if she plans it well:

1.      Choose a stream in your Graduation/Post Grad that can eventually give you an opportunity to work from home:  Arts, Crafts, MBA (HR), Education, Writing….there are tons out there.

2.      Then work in a full time job once you complete your studies, gather as much experience as you can and build a solid network of friends, peers and top people in your field.

3.      Work even when you get married.

4.      Plan your pregnancy and quit working when you are still in good health.

5.      For a year don’t do anything (even Aishwarya Rai Bachchan sat at home!). Just keep networking with your contacts.

6.      After a year start doing groundwork – bounce off your plan of getting back to part time or work-at-home to your contacts. Look for opportunities on the Net and Social media (Heck! We did not have FB or Linked in then; the Internet had just about hit Indian shores)

7.      In a year or two you will see definite signs of your career gathering steam.

And the best part is you don’t have to leave your baby alone in a crèche for 10 long hours every day.

It’s a simple plan and it has worked for me and for so many mothers I know (Fleximoms).  In fact it works till date and I can take an off (even long ones) for my son’s boards (yes even when he is 16/18).

You don’t have to choose between home and work. You will do just fine when you choose both – HomeWork!